Salutations

secretsbest:

should-reblog.must-reblog

(Source: guykneecologist, via superwholock-geek)

risaellen:

timdrakeisgay:

the-savage-avenger:

kneel-on-nails:

forever-kitten:

Damn son our uterus stretches like 5x the size and then contracts and pushes a 7 pound baby out of a small tube into life if you think that isn’t metal as fuck get out of my face

YOUR ORGANS THOUGH IM SO SORRY LADIES

How the hell do woman survive this?

Seriously it surprises me how many people don’t know a couple things about pregnancy and babies:
women would not survive 10 months of pregnancy they would die
A baby is nowhere near as developed as it should be to be out in the world at 9 months, but the human body has not evolved to push anything past the size of the head out, everything else the baby is can stretch and squash but the head
the vagina can’t handle anything bigger than the head at 9 months of development so we have to give birth. 
But babies actually need longer than that, really, it’s why they’re such a mess when they’re born and why they’re completely dependent on care, can’t walk, can’t do anything.  Note most other animals can when they are born.  Babies are born too early, it’s kind of a huge and secret flaw in human evolution.  I found it really interesting, so thought I’d share.

risaellen:

timdrakeisgay:

the-savage-avenger:

kneel-on-nails:

forever-kitten:

Damn son our uterus stretches like 5x the size and then contracts and pushes a 7 pound baby out of a small tube into life if you think that isn’t metal as fuck get out of my face

YOUR ORGANS THOUGH IM SO SORRY LADIES

How the hell do woman survive this?

Seriously it surprises me how many people don’t know a couple things about pregnancy and babies:

women would not survive 10 months of pregnancy they would die

A baby is nowhere near as developed as it should be to be out in the world at 9 months, but the human body has not evolved to push anything past the size of the head out, everything else the baby is can stretch and squash but the head

the vagina can’t handle anything bigger than the head at 9 months of development so we have to give birth. 

But babies actually need longer than that, really, it’s why they’re such a mess when they’re born and why they’re completely dependent on care, can’t walk, can’t do anything.  Note most other animals can when they are born.  Babies are born too early, it’s kind of a huge and secret flaw in human evolution.  I found it really interesting, so thought I’d share.

image

(Source: choosechoice, via on-the-starship-titanic)

put a letter in my ask ☆

‎A - Available?

B - Birthday?

C - Crushing on?

D - Drink you last had?

E - Easiest person to talk to?

F - Favorite song?

G - Grade I hated?

H - Hometown?

I - Ice cream flavor?

J - Jellybean flavor?

K - Killed someone?

L- Longest friendship?

M - Milkshake flavor?

N - Number of siblings?

O - One wish?

P - Person who called me last?

Q - Question your always asked?

R - Reason to smile?

S - Song I last sung?

T - Time you woke up?

U - Umbrella color?

V - Very best friend?

W - Which celebrity I’d marry?

X - X-rays I had?

Y - Your last time you cried?

Z - Zodiac sign?

a-different-kind-of-royalty:

"What do you plan to do with your future?"

image

(via on-the-starship-titanic)

monxroe:

zombieinmybutt:

wizcoylifa:

what if humans lost all their skin every winter and walked around as skeletons and the trees get pissed when they have to rake all our skin off their lawns

how high are you

no officer, it’s hi, how are you?

(Source: jordybelfort, via shymns)

biteme-derekhale:

aba-douche:

sam-crashed-the-impala:

out of all the things cas has said this is my favorite 

this is absolutely the best thing anyone has ever said on this show

I like this better than the actual answer

(Source: castivl, via on-the-starship-titanic)

hotboysofficial:

lady gets mugged by motorcyclist while driving

image

(via pandapaw5160)

leupagus:

itsxandy:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

sevenpoints:

HE BROUGHT IT ON HIMSELF

I actually found this pretty depressing because when Happy asks her if she’s boxed before, she looks so proud of herself when she says she has, and then he just kind of demeans her response by suggesting that she wasn’t a real boxer, and you see her face just drop

Natasha Romanoff: professional to an extent.

She’s professional the whole way through — Happy is the one who isn’t just stupefyingly unprofessional but vicious in his attempt to punch her when her back was turned.

Literally. He tried to punch a woman he’d just met, before she’d gotten any gloves, before he’d explained anything else to her.  Fuck anybody who thinks that Natasha’s treatment of him (which is so obviously instinct and training, not a desire to humiliate him, unlike his violence toward her) is unprofessional.

(Source: cloudranger, via aaquilthegreatandpowerful)

iamtonysexual:

horus-zahak:

biggggblack:

aaamaaazooon:

LET’S DO A REVIEW OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH
WE GOT THIS SHIT AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT THANKS TO BERRY-SCENTED TUMBLR USER JENNYLOGGINS
I AM A HULKING, BURLY, MASCULINE MAN, SO USUALLY I USE OLD SPICE OR IRISH SPRING OR SOME MANLY SHIT LIKE THAT BUT TODAY I WAS OUT OF SOAP SO I USED THIS SHIT
FIRST OFF LET’S START WITH THE PACKAGING

THIS FUCKING RAINBOW-ASS UNICORN IS THERE IN THE SHOWER EVERY DAY, EVERY FUCKING DAY THIS LITTLE FAGGOT SITS THERE AND GIVES ME THAT SULTRY GAZE WHILE IM TRYING TO CLEAN MY VULNERABLE NAKED ASS


rub me on your body

ALSO IT’S WORTH NOTING THAT THIS SHIT COMES WITH A WARNING NOT ONLY TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN BUT THAT PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN CAN GIVE YOU RASHES AND PROBABLY UNICORN HERPES OR SOME OTHER SHIT

IDK ABOUT YALL BUT LAST I CHECKED THE EXACT PURPOSE OF BODY WASH IS PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN SO THAT RIGHT THERE WAS A RED FLAG BUT I PROCEEDED, ALBEIT WITH PROPER PRECAUTION AS TO AVOID APPLYING AROUND MY EYES AS DIRECTED BY THE PACKAGING OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. ALSO IT SAYS TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THEY ARE MARKETING THIS PRODUCT NOT FOR CHILDREN BUT FOR GROWN MEN SUCH AS MYSELF
I APPLIED A GENEROUS AMOUNT TO MY HANDS TO BEGIN THE CLEANING.


i’m so fucked up

AND THAT WAS WHEN THE MOST POTENT SMELL OF ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED BERRY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE HIT ME LIKE A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE
I NEARLY FELL OVER IN THE SHOWER. IT WAS SO FUCKING BERRY. IT WAS LIKE I MADE SWEET LOVE TO AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC BERRY WOMAN AND DOVE NOSE-FIRST INTO HER GUSHING FRUITY LOINS. THERE WAS NO FURTHER DOUBT THAT THIS WAS INDEED LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. IT’S NO WONDER LISA FRANK’S ART IS ALL SO COLORFUL, SHE’S FUCKING HIGH AS BALLS HUFFING HER BERRY-ASS BODY WASH.
IT GOT ME CLEAN BUT I HAVE A HEADACHE FROM ALL THAT FUCKING BERRY. I UNDERSTAND THE WARNING LABEL NOW. THIS SHIT IS PROBABLY TOXIC TO SMALL CHILDREN, IT’LL BERRY THEIR FUCKING BRAIN CELLS TO DEATH. DO NOT TRUST THAT SULTRY UNICORN. YOU SEE THE MILKY WHITE COLOR IT’S PROBABLY HIS SPOOGE IN THAT BOTTLE IT’S NOT EVEN BODY WASH I JUST CLEANED MYSELF WITH BUBBLY BERRY UNICORN BATTER
0/10 WOULD NOT BERRY AGAIN

I FUCKING AM CHOKING AND PEEING AND DYING OF LAUGHTER I JUST FUCKING CAN’T RIGHT NOW. PLEASE REVIVE ME SWEET LORD.

This post is my life force

note to self: make an audio post of this

iamtonysexual:

horus-zahak:

biggggblack:

aaamaaazooon:

LET’S DO A REVIEW OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH

WE GOT THIS SHIT AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT THANKS TO BERRY-SCENTED TUMBLR USER JENNYLOGGINS

I AM A HULKING, BURLY, MASCULINE MAN, SO USUALLY I USE OLD SPICE OR IRISH SPRING OR SOME MANLY SHIT LIKE THAT BUT TODAY I WAS OUT OF SOAP SO I USED THIS SHIT

FIRST OFF LET’S START WITH THE PACKAGING

image

THIS FUCKING RAINBOW-ASS UNICORN IS THERE IN THE SHOWER EVERY DAY, EVERY FUCKING DAY THIS LITTLE FAGGOT SITS THERE AND GIVES ME THAT SULTRY GAZE WHILE IM TRYING TO CLEAN MY VULNERABLE NAKED ASS

image

rub me on your body

ALSO IT’S WORTH NOTING THAT THIS SHIT COMES WITH A WARNING NOT ONLY TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN BUT THAT PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN CAN GIVE YOU RASHES AND PROBABLY UNICORN HERPES OR SOME OTHER SHIT

image

IDK ABOUT YALL BUT LAST I CHECKED THE EXACT PURPOSE OF BODY WASH IS PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN SO THAT RIGHT THERE WAS A RED FLAG BUT I PROCEEDED, ALBEIT WITH PROPER PRECAUTION AS TO AVOID APPLYING AROUND MY EYES AS DIRECTED BY THE PACKAGING OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. ALSO IT SAYS TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THEY ARE MARKETING THIS PRODUCT NOT FOR CHILDREN BUT FOR GROWN MEN SUCH AS MYSELF

I APPLIED A GENEROUS AMOUNT TO MY HANDS TO BEGIN THE CLEANING.

image

i’m so fucked up

AND THAT WAS WHEN THE MOST POTENT SMELL OF ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED BERRY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE HIT ME LIKE A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE

I NEARLY FELL OVER IN THE SHOWER. IT WAS SO FUCKING BERRY. IT WAS LIKE I MADE SWEET LOVE TO AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC BERRY WOMAN AND DOVE NOSE-FIRST INTO HER GUSHING FRUITY LOINS. THERE WAS NO FURTHER DOUBT THAT THIS WAS INDEED LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. IT’S NO WONDER LISA FRANK’S ART IS ALL SO COLORFUL, SHE’S FUCKING HIGH AS BALLS HUFFING HER BERRY-ASS BODY WASH.

IT GOT ME CLEAN BUT I HAVE A HEADACHE FROM ALL THAT FUCKING BERRY. I UNDERSTAND THE WARNING LABEL NOW. THIS SHIT IS PROBABLY TOXIC TO SMALL CHILDREN, IT’LL BERRY THEIR FUCKING BRAIN CELLS TO DEATH. DO NOT TRUST THAT SULTRY UNICORN. YOU SEE THE MILKY WHITE COLOR IT’S PROBABLY HIS SPOOGE IN THAT BOTTLE IT’S NOT EVEN BODY WASH I JUST CLEANED MYSELF WITH BUBBLY BERRY UNICORN BATTER

0/10 WOULD NOT BERRY AGAIN

I FUCKING AM CHOKING AND PEEING AND DYING OF LAUGHTER I JUST FUCKING CAN’T RIGHT NOW. PLEASE REVIVE ME SWEET LORD.

This post is my life force

note to self: make an audio post of this

(Source: braingremlin, via on-the-starship-titanic)

kristoffbjorgman:

did u know: most australian food slogans are aggressively homosexual

(via grandmaster-daddy)

freckledtrekkie:

daddyslittlemistake:

clockworkturnip:

shickalenia:

the-skinny-hero-guy:

Admit it, the first thing we’d all do if we woke up gender swapped is masturbate.

I would pay money and make popcorn just to watch some of the men I’ve known in my life masturbate after being genderswapped. Not for any erotic reasons, just to see if they could even figure out how.

"wait, so which hole- what the hell- how do- *breaks down crying*"

"OW THAT DOESN’T FEEL GOOD!"

"You think?" *Eats popcorn*

image

(via lionsoulme)

kirschtein-be-bitchin:

shingekinokyojinheaven:

dragon-in-a-fez:

shingekinokyojinheaven:

i told my mom that god has killed babies in the bible and she didn’t believe me so i searched it up and to my surprise

image

wait

image

what

image

there’s a list???

image

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

image

in conclusion god is an asshole

for comparison:

image

image

okay well I mean ten murders is still bad though so

wait

image

damn.

god gambles with your souls pass it on

This week on “I Didn’t Know I Was a Satanist”

(via charleytimelord)